Something Borrowed, Something Red?

Now I'm all about healthy obsessions, but boys and girls, this is something I don't even know how to begin to understand. Apparently, 2PM's Taecyeon has received a very special 'dedication' from a fan, one that loves him so much that she would to share her most private time with him: her period. Now being a man myself, I'm a bit out of my league when it comes to the womanly ways and tampons and all that jazz. However, what always seemed clear to me, crystal clear in fact, is that a woman's period is not something she normally shares with other, besides the occasional comment or 'I haven't had my period in a while, Jim must have knocked me up the last time we were drunk and got handsy'. But this takes it a step forward. A fan of Taecyeon decided to post online a very special note to the boy, confessing:

I dedicate to Taecyeon my period blood letter
Ok Taecyeon, You cannot live without me
Sprinkled with a few strands of my pubes

Now I can take a lot of disgusting things, but even this is a bit out there for me. Netizens of course denounced it as a prank and fake, so what does the fan do? That's right, she posts a picture of her bloody tampon. This is not so much special as it is 'the call is coming from inside the house'. I would post the pictures, but I don't really want to have to look at that when I open my blog. So, if you'd like to see for yourself said pictures, please go here for some family fun of bloody notes and used tampons.

What Tim is Most Thankful for...

There are many things I am thankful for, or should be thankful for. I have a job, I have some sort of financial security for the time being, I'm alive, I have a roof over my head, I have clothing that fits, and I have shoes. Everyone always says that their 'Thanksgiving Tradition' is to say what they are most thankful for, but it's not really a tradition when everyone does it. It would be like saying that your 'Christmas Tradition' is buying into consumerism and giving your family presents. A real 'Christmas Tradition' would be going rouge and giving your family assorted colored boxes with pictures of things you were going to buy them that year, but because you are a Rouge American, you decided not to. But, I will play the part of a traditional American and list the things that I am most thankful for. And I start with Martha Stewart, because honestly, she sets the stage for everything else I'm going to be thankful for, and that just looks like a bitchin' flower she's got in her hands.

Now obviously, two of the things I am most thankful for are coffee and music, but that's only because they make me stay awake so I can pass the days at work by with enjoyable background sound (or so it seems these days). Nothing says 'I'm not interested in having a conversation with you' better than a nice hot cup of Starbucks coffee in one hand, and your ipod in the other. It's the ultimate 'on the go' or 'anti-social' combination. How can I not be thankful for it?

Another obvious thing that I'm thankful for, that requires few words because I think the picture speaks for itself, is the one, the only: Yamapi. I've been thankful for the Pi for quite some time now, and to show my enthusiasm, I share with you all this picture, brought to you his chest and Martha Stewart made flowers.

But alas, it is Thanksgiving and the one thing we are all truly thankful for is the one thing we would never admit but secretly know is the one thing Martha knows best: Turkey.

Now I've never been to Turkey, but from what I hear it's one kick ass place to have a drink in. But the turkey I refer to is the other one, the eatable one, the one that if you put bacon on it no one is going to hold it against you because it's just that kind of bird. This is the only time of the year when you can stuff a bird full of bread and other 'veggies' without feeling as if you are taking the bird's dignity away (not to mention your own, let alone your shame). So what I am most thankful for this Thanksgiving is this: shame. It keeps people in check and makes sure that the majority of people don't stuff their hands up birds more often than the one day out of the year. And that, boys and girls, is certainly a Good Thing.

Shock and Awe, or Duck and Cover

Let's all take a minute to to reflect on the recent (mis) happenings of the past few days. But first, a moment of silence for J. Lo. and her rather public tumble off the human pyramid of dancers at Sunday's American Music Awards. It's not a coincidence her ass is the size of Montana, that's for sure. From all other footage, it just wasn't her night. Poor, misguided, Gili-sniffing, married to that god-awful Marc Anthony J. Lo. But it could be worse, she could be Adam Lambert and she could have made out with a keyboardist on stage. It's just... so beneath him, it's almost as if he was making out with a roadie... making out with 'the help'. The boy got a little too excited on stage, getting that blow job, some crotch/fingering action, and a James Bond tumble, random bits of singing turned screaming filtered in between of his obstacle course of a stage. He kept trying to climb higher and higher, as if he were Mario attempting to rescue the princess from the barrel-throwing King Kong. I kept wondering what he would get when he got to the top... and then we found out... tongue from 'the help'.

This past weekend also marked the departure from Mnet's Annual MKMF ( Mnet Korean Music Festival) to the Mnet Asian Music Awards, lovingly referred to as MAMA. Before the event even began it ran into rather deep trouble with SM Entertainment and a couple trot singers boycotting the event for being unfair. Of course, the results of the show have proven these claims of fairness to be absolutely true. MAMA, or as I like to refer to it as 'The JYP/ YG Gala of Doucheness', paid homage to nothing Asian and everything that came out of these two companies, as it is documented here. Not even J. Lo's ass could handle an idiotic tumble like that, and that things made out of like spinach or something. But this MAMA issue only further draws attention to the obvious mommy problem that the Korean Entertainment Industry has faced this past year, beginning back with the Park Jaebum and DBSK controversies. The MAMA spawned the latest Kpop fiasco/ problem with 2PM's Nichkun and Ivy as the two of them danced a sultry dance on stage (or rather Ivy attempting to seduce the 'Thai Prince' with her womanly ways). 2PM fans, dubbed 'Hottests' (refer to this post to see why), bombarded Ivy's Cyworld with the most outlandish comments, from 'you shouldn't have done that' to 'Do you want your minihompy to be terrorized?' It has apparently gotten so bad that poor Ivy has had to close her Cyworld. Can we say crazy?

Monday, however, I saw hope, I saw a beacon of light, from Tabloo's brother of all people. This guy usually annoys me, but yesterday he was my Savior. The story goes that a Korean TV show, Infinity Challenge, decided that it would be a good idea to tape a segment in NYC. Simple enough. They thought that they would showcase Korean food to the world. I'm okay so far. But they decided that the best way to do this (uh oh... thinking) was to not bring any translators/ interpreters and act like they would in Korea, meaning attempting to be funny with Korean humor. Now I have to say, I've been here in Korea for quite some time, and I like to think that I know pretty well what Korean humor is all about, but I have never found it funny. Some say cultural difference, but I just say that they aren't all that funny. You get the occasional funny guy, but for the most part, I don't see it. And just to prove that I'm not culturally (or even linguistically) biased, I find Japanese comedians to be hilarious. Anyway, long story short, Korean comedians go to NYC, try to be funny, but make complete dumbasses out of themselves thinking nothing of it. Well, David, Tabloo's brother, rightly called them out on being idiots and, what's more, reamed MBC for letting such 'trash' be filmed. It made me smile, primarily because he was right. I love Korea, really I do, and if I didn't then I could never justify living here for nearly three years now. But he was completely right. You can read his full entry for yourself here to see just what exactly he was talking about. Granted, he did make fun of white boys a bit, but honestly, when we consider just how many times us white boys have made fun of Asian boys, it is most likely justified (and don't give me that 'high road' bullshit). David came under great fire, similar to Park Jaebum, for being unpatriotic and criticizing Korea. God forbid someone bitches about home. God knows if I was kicked out every time I complained about Port Charlotte, Florida, or America, I'd probably have to move to Cuba and turn Communist (I always did prefer red pears). Can we say 'freedom of speech'? Or, more correctly put, can we say 'telling the truth'? Mommy always told me to tell the truth, but then again we've already established the mommy problem Korea is faced with. But David didn't seem to back down, and stood firm in his convictions. Yay. Needless to say, I had a good day yesterday. Only to have it come crashing down when dumbass David apologized. I doubt it was sincere, and reading both I can see it was forced, but I still cringe at it.

All this is to say that at times it feels as if we are living in an anarchy-stricken world given the crazy netizens and the power of the Internet. We all saw it coming, but Korea has forced us to really see it first hand. It started with the beef protests, and now we are all consumed with online interaction and what he said and she said that Perez Hilton and his useless observations have become the norm. Will it change? Not anytime soon. But we all think that this craziness and insane troll logic happens to 'other people' and never to us. Silly rabbit, tricks are for kids. All we need to do is look in our own back yard to watch sanity slip away like a bad acid trip.

Case and point. I've been dubbed as anti-social in the past, seemingly uncaring, and an asshole. Granted, many of these characterizations may be grounded in some form of what we could possibly refer to as 'truth', but they are quite subjective. Vulgarities aside, my time at the GSIS at Yonsei University was a time of academic rigor, heated debates, and scholarly interaction... well, sorta. Those who felt the need to study, did, and those who felt the need to drink, party, and have lots of unprotected sex (and the old 90210 song just popped into my head), also did. Everyone knew where I stood with the GSIS, all the various incarnations of the GSA, and people in general. I seemed to be anti-social, but honestly, I found my enjoyment with people elsewhere because I thought subjecting myself to GSIS life 24/7 was, well, dumb. Call me old-fashion, but I believe in having more than one group of friends. Anyway, I still found my time at the GSIS to be exactly what I needed, and would have made the same decisions to land be back there any day of the week. That said, thank god I've graduated. It actually started with Moka and I receiving the unpleasant end of the GSIS 2x4 to the back side, and normally I'm all for S&M and bondage, but this was pushing it. From our language exam debacle to the KLI fiasco, budget crisis, and now the GSA elections, this mommy problem much of Korea is plagued with seems to have fallen smack dab into the laps of the GSIS. Call me bored at work or an instigator, but Matt shared a blog posting with me that he had to remove because of all the rather unnecessary drama surrounding it. So, me being the 'rogue American' that I am, I've decided to post it here today (in moderation, of course).

It is that time of the semester when Graduate Student Assembly (here after GSA), the GSIS student council, holds its elections for next semester. Normally I do not pay much attention to platforms and proposed actions since they all propose to make the world of GSIS better, but rather just plan a few events like Yeon-Go Jeon or an Inter-GSIS Party. However this semester something special has caught my attention: the ratification of GSA Yushin Bylaws. The current GSA administration known as the Action Party as rewritten the bylaws in order for their administration to run for reelection.¹ While it may be seemingly nothing on the surface, I and my other colleagues will not stand for Korean history to repeat itself.

...

My colleagues and I refuse to be treated like 1960's Korea, which let an authoritarian leader dominate the country for nineteen years. While the Action Party tries to run rampant, and do as they please a select group scholars will refuse to accept this. While it may seem as though they hope to promote 'action,' their action has yet to provide equal opportunity events for all of those in GSIS, which was one of their running platforms⁴. Of which I am talking about non-party school events (for example: an ice cream social). They are imposing their authoritarian rule by limiting press regarding such issues by highlighting their achievements. Their cloak is that they have brought a lot of change to the GSIS, while their dagger is that they do not follow their own prinicple of listening to student in order to make the GSIS a better place. Does the GSIS really benefit from events in which alcohol is the main attraction?

The entire election a grand act of chicanery. As I was told as of 4:50pm on November 13, 2009 their were no other teams prepared to run for Spring 2010 GSA elections besides the Action Party, and thus Team Luxury was assembled.⁵ From what I have heard the Luxury Party does not want to follow through with their administration if they win.

...

Some may be reading this and think that I was rather harsh in my criticism or my critique of the Action Party or GSA. Others may even go as far as to say that I criticize too much without getting involved. However, let me pose the question, why should I be involved or show interest in things that I do not care about? You probably would not involve yourself with a dance group if you did not like dance? Why should I affiliate with a group that does not stand for the founding principles of Yonsei University? If GSA were to reformat their agenda to truly align their stance to the principles that Yonsei was build for by Underwood, yes I would show a lot more interest and activity.

Now yes, Matt is a good friend and perhaps I am biased to his point of view, but I will be the first to say that some of this may not be all that kosher (and yes, he could tone down the Independence Club rhetoric just a bit). However, he is, in large part, correct. From all the semesters I've been at the GSIS, and all the past GSA's that I've been told of, what he says is quite sound. Is it just a coincidence that no past president has run twice? Perhaps. But I've learned to question coincidences since 1994 (google it). And yes, maybe I am making more hay out of this than needs be, but I'd like to think that the people of the GSIS are smart and savvy and care what goes on in their school. Therefore, why should the same party run twice? If you want real change, then have a different party every semester. This reminds me of a Will & Grace episode I watched yesterday (season 2 episode 2) where Will is the president of the tenets association in the apartment complex and Grace decides to run against him because he is acting too much like a dictator. The other tenets gladly follow him like sheep because of how insignificant it seems in the grand scheme of, well, life, but also because no one else is willing to step up and try something different. Now I'm not calling anyone a sheep or a dictator, except that's what a lot of people seem to be acting as. But granted, they are not sheep in the way that 2PM fans are like lemmings, but they are sheep because they realize that they have to deal with their own stuff and their own problems, so they acknowledge how insignificant elections and the GSA are because, like I've always done, they assume that the GSA will turn out to be glorified party planners that the office makes do rather menial and annoying tasks because they are getting scholarships. And by the way, these scholarships are also what drives people to run, but also limits those wanting to run again (or so I've been told, and experienced).

So here we are, at the end of the post, and probably an angry GSA, killer 2PM fans, and all of Korea against me. Eh, what else is new? It's like high school all over again, save the turkey and goats (there were sheep though). The point is that the problems we see in the Entertainment World, on the grand scale, are actually infiltrating our own lives, our own surroundings. Hell, just the other day I had to listen to two friends here in Korea bitch and moan about the hardships of their life. My advice: do something about it. As President Bartlet says, "Always believe that a small group of determined people can change the world." And he's right, because it always has in the past. But more than that, Korea is in the most unique position to catapult itself into this world of 'globalization' and 'Britney Spears' if they'd only stop forcing it at the one end, and acting, as my friend Fred always says "all conservative and shit" at the other end. Korea does seem to have a mommy problem, and could stand for a visit by the good Doctor.

Rawr, mommy, Rawr

Riddle me this: What do you get when you force Annie Lennox, Kylie Minogue, Prince, and Boy George to throw a Christmas party? Well, that's an easy one. This:

Imagine a legion of Vogue-induced G-Dragons walking around a London flat serving cocktails to a room full of guests who, because it's just that kind of party, are dressed quite similarly. In all honesty, I am quite in favor of this look, and this direction, because it means Vogue Korea is breaking through the traditional sense of 'fashion' for Korea and embracing something much more avant garde and, well, cooler. Move over Madonna, here come's the top material boy of Korea.

I never really liked G-Dragon as a performer, but for some odd reason I always respected him as a fashion icon without, really, being a fashion icon. He didn't make skinny jeans popular, that was Shinee. He didn't make leather popular, that was Rain. And he certainly didn't make leggings, high tops, hats, or oversized shirts

popular; those rascals are still out there on the run. But what h

e did do, oddly enough, is used his rather high-profile position in Big Bang to slap conventional and mainstream fashion trends in the face with some of his rather exotic and, at times, far fetched clothing concepts. For the majority of Big Bang, he was the fashion and concept stylist, and though some of the concepts were an utter miss on the grandest scale possible (such as gold and diamond studded hoodies), others were quite thought provoking.

However, if we learned anything from our little fashion icon, born in 1988 as Kwon Ji-Yong, is that color is not something necessarily something to be neglected by even the most aggressive male rappers and 'male' gender, and not just by the pretty boys. Need I remind everyone of Lollipop? Try putting Crown J into that outfit and see just how ridiculous he looks with his A-town coming out of his ass. Oh, wait, he already looks like that.

But our little man does have some major drawbacks. If we filter out the personality and musical flaws (save a few endearing snippets hard to reject), perhaps the greatest problem he faces is the rather outlandish and plain ugly haircuts. Yes, ladies and gentlemen, he is in fact responsible for shaving half your hair off and leaving the other half long. It's on the same level of bad as Micky Yoochun's crooked haircut (I never really figured out what this was even called) and 2pm's 'let's write words in our hair!' haircut (reminds me of an old Nickelodeon TV show where one of the kids attempts to buzz dollar signs in his hair because some rapper did it, but it turns out disastrous). From time to time, though, our boy doesn't always make the best fashion decisions, and at times the canonical face to palm is most definitely in order.

Perhaps our greatest trend setters, though, that find mainstream success are our Shinee boys. Granted, G-Dragon is quite mainstream, but I doubt we will be seeing boys wearing pink jump suits anytime soon. Shinee, on the other hand, always matches their boyish charm and looks with a fashion that appropriates it forward. Needless to say, they have very little say over what they wear, because I highly doubt they would have chosen to wear bright colored skinny jeans. However, they certainly have done the trick. Even in this new spread for Vogue, themed "Swan Prince", we can see elements of a 'wearable' fashion sense. Not only that, but the photos most definitely play to the strengths and already established image of the boys. All I've got to say is this: It's about damn time. I have grown tired of seeing spread after spread of models, entertainers, etc. in the most unnatural settings that seem as if that individual (or group of individuals) is out of place. Sure, they can do that with skill, but when the spread and those in the spread are at odds with each other, when they contrast each other to such an extreme that there is no chemistry, then we have a problem. However, I'm starting to think that maybe, just maybe, there is hope.

Well, at least we can enjoy the appropriate avant garde for the time being, because who knows how long it will last. Knock on wood.

Mother May I Sleep with Danger?

Honestly, the album sucked. The songs weren't all that good, the vocals were par, and the music just lacked anything interesting. Sure, if we are going for something avant garde meets shitty music, then JYP has succeeded in his latest endeavor. But if he was attempting to create appealing music for a wide range of fans, then he failed miserably. We all know the album is going to be hailed as innovative, amazing, successful, and all those other things we truly know it's not simply because of all the hoopla that has happened this year with them. However, let us not be fooled and tempted by attractive Korean men with attractive Korean men bodies. Besides, what 2pm fan actually listens to the music anyways? It's all about who they are and what they look like. It reminds me of when I was younger and my father always used to tell me to never talk to strangers because they could hurt me in some unforeseen way. But I knew better, I told myself, because I was seven, had a Batman lunchbox, and was on top of the world. In reality, I never did talk to strangers and my lunchbox was just plain blue, but the point still stands: Korean music these days is seriously lacking.

I always loved watching Billy Crystal movies because the man made me laugh. But then he started acting in movies with people who didn't make me laugh, I had to stop watching his movies. If all of Kpop were reduced to a single slice in time, and we unfortunately took this past year as that slice of time to examine, we'd be looking at girl groups who can't sing or dance, boy groups with the most absurd names (granted the girl groups are no better), and music that sounds like it took 10 minutes to make in my garage. Now I don't currently have a garage, and I often don't have 10 minutes to spare, but if I did have both 10 minutes to spare and a garage I could easily hire someone off the street to make better music then the shit coming out of Korea. I love Korea, and Korea knows that. And I love Korean music, and Korean music knows that. But from time to time, in order to express the utmost adoration and love for someone or something, a bit of what my father called "tough luv" is most certainly needed. I love you Korea and Korean music, but you are drunk and sniffing way too much coke, so please, go to rehab and get some help. Take it from me, who often likes to think like Robert Downey Jr., you will only go so far before you crash and burn and do something so stupid that there is no coming back. Granted he got Iron Man, but that's because he realized his problem before it got too late. But the last thing we need, dear Korea, is you turning into Prince Harry and running your mouth and acting like a total twat and a half.

The moral of today's story then, dear children, is this. Korean fans are a lot like Lemmings; they will follow each other off cliffs to their deaths. Perhaps a bit drastic, but its a picture worth painting. And just for kicks, let's make fun of some of the names of groups:

T-ara: We are supposed to pronounce it Tiara, like one of the twins from Sister, Sister. Why not spell it like that, then? Why confuse us and make us think we should say Tara?

B2ST/BEAST: Originally it stood for "Boys to search for the top" but, you know, that wasn't retarded enough, so we changed it to"Boys of East Standing Tall". It makes me laugh because they are orientalizing themselves. Someone needs to read some Edward Said.

MBLAQ: Rain continues to outdo himself, first by making it rainism, and now by having his "music boys live in absolute quality". Well, the music boys isn't too bad, and it's good to know that they are going to be live, but I'm trying to figure out what exactly absolute quality is. Really, and we all know this, Rain just wanted to pretend he be black, and so really if you say it fast enough it sounds like they are saying 'i am black' and, of course, we have to be cool and spell it with a rouge Q. Sarah Palin would certainly be proud.

f(x): I don't even think this stands for something. I am completely confused by this, but oddly enticed. Though anyone who has taken any form of Algebra would of course make the mistake by saying 'f of x', but I suppose logic and naming groups in Korea don't always go hand in hand.

Brown Eyed Girls: As opposed to blue eyed girls? Black eyed girls? Well, in their defense, many Koreans think they have black eyes, which I find a bit funny. Is this a way to educate Koreans that they all have brown eyes? I remember when I asked a Korean once "so what kind of girl do you like?" and he said "oh, a girl with brown eyes". So then I asked "okay, now that we have narrowed it down to all korean girls..."

2pm: Well, my only beef with this is that they claim that it is the hottest time of day, when according to the National Climatic Data Center, the highest surface temperature is between 4pm and 5pm, and the most ultraviolet radiation is around 12 noon.

4 Minutes: There aren't even four members in the group, and there seems to be really no real reason to be called this. Maybe it's a new fascination with numbers: 2pm, 2am, 2ne1, etc.

Or maybe it's lunacy. Or maybe both.

U-KISS: This is my favorite, hands down, as it stands for "ubiquitous korean international super star". Conceded much? Also, for a group that is made up of members who are supposedly fluent in English, the name doesn't necessarily give off that air of confidence one would expect from native English speakers. I'd say they had the same syndrome as Rain and MBLAQ, but why the hell would they want to even be called 'ukiss'?

There are others, like Shinee, Supernova, Child of the Empire, Rainbow, 2ne1, and After School. I'm still waiting for the day when the group 'Awesome!' debuts. That will be the day of true happiness.

We All Live in a Yellow... Wait, Where'd the Dog Go?

Tonight, on a very special Blossom: Six realizes she is a lesbian and is in love with Blossom's father's girlfriend. What ever happened to good 'ol family television programming like 'Blossom', 'Whose the Boss?', 'Family Matters', and my favorite 'Perfect Strangers'? So the last one wasn't as family-oriented as the others, but it still had that ABC we love happiness and pg-rated television air to it. Granted I haven't been in the States for quite some time, but I can say that the era of television where a large-noised Barbara Streisand look-a-like girl with more hats than Cher has wigs is certainly gone to an oblivion, along with the elderly whore from 'Golden Girls,' Laura Winslow from 'Family Matters', and everyone's favorite know-it-all: Clarissa. Now this is all and dandy, but really what am I talking about here? That's right, I'm talking about Starbucks releasing their Christmas blend of coffee and their Christmas-themed paper cups for take-out.

But really, what I'm talking about here are memories. We all have them, whether we remember most of them or not, and we all have a variety of them ranging from good to bad to weird to sexual. Our memories are who we are, just like a childhood defined by 'Boy Meets World' and 'The Price is Right'. Just the other day I was talking to Matt about our family holidays. We discussed 'tradition' as it is known in both the House of Gitzen and the House of Wachtor. He hates Christmas and I hate canned peas, but really we both realized that tradition led us forward, albeit against our will, but its how we got to the place we are at today. Turkey is good for Thanksgiving, Italian food for Christmas Eve, and the all important Christmas Ham for that day when in a little down of Bethlehem, nothing really happened because we later found out that Jesus was actually born in July. It hit me when I walked into Starbucks today and saw that all the Christmas stuff was up. They were doing point cards for this years Starbucks planner, which made me realize that the planner I had was exactly one year old, and exactly one year has passed. When I think about my first Starbucks planner I got in Korea, my head spins just a little faster. Time seems to always slip away from us when we least expect it. We go and check Facebook and before we know it, your high school friends are married and have children. Teachers are retiring, famous anthropologists are passing away, and people just won't stop dying. We've found ourselves in a world without forgiveness, where people rape people because they can, and people watch because they have no balls to stand up and protest. "The West Wing" always had some of my most favorite quotes, some of the best words to remember I'd ever seen. But perhaps the best is simple and straightforward: "Decisions are made by those who show up."

It all seemed easier on 'Blossom' because she had a family who loved her: two older brothers (one sarcastic and one Joey Lawrence), a musical father, and a wacky numerical best friend. We were prompted when Blossom would have to face a tough situation, and growing up we all thought that was the norm. We would have people there to prompt us when a nasty turn was ahead. But here I am, nearly fifteen years later, fifteen years older, and I suspect fifteen years wiser; there is no street sign, no announcer, and no Joey Lawrence. All there is, all there will be, is me, my coffee, and my musik. Well, and about 6 billion other people as well. But, you know, they can't pull off green quite the same way I can.

Pleasure or Pain?

You know, I've been doing the whole kpop thing for a while now and I learned pretty early on that nothing will ever cease to amaze me. Call me a pessimist, but I prefer the more philosophically correct term 'realist' to categorize my outlook on this industry. From 15 year old retards kicking out a Korean American for, well, telling the truth to all of a sudden realizing that a song that has been out for months is no good for children to now an upheaval of god only knows what of drama and money between artist and company, this Korean music industry is certainly looking like its crumbling into a state of blasphemy. I mean seriously, we have Kay Perry singing about her lesbianic tendencies, country singers claiming erotic attraction to tractors, and Alanis Morissette being, well, Alanis Morissette and Korea bitches over Ivy wanting to be touched and G-Dragon feeling all broken-hearted. Dare we call Korea reactionary? We do dare and I do call because seriously there seems to be little left in the industry to foster any type of serious music. I love Korea and I've always loved their music, but i feel as if we need to start marching in unison saluting some statue of Park Chung Hee with a Hitler-esque mustache wearing a Siberian winter coat. This is how far we've progressed, or rather how far we've digressed. It's like that quote from "Will & Grace": 'He's gotten so gay he's wrapped back around to straight.'

But should I really be surprised? Of course not. Because as long as we are human we will find new ways to screw ourselves, not to mention the people around us, in ways we didn't know were possible. Case and point. Three of the members of DBSK claim their contracts with SM Entertainment are unfair and they want to break the contract so they can, wait for it wait for it, yes, that's right, go to China and become investors in beauty products. Now I've seen some pretty dumb investments in my life, and I've heard some pretty outrageous stories about dumb celebrities (need I post pictures of a bald Britney and Kayane on stage showing he can own a middle schooler?), but to break a contract over beauty products in China is pretty idiotic, even for Britney and Kayane. I can see it now, both of them looking at each other saying in unison "I ain't going near that shit." So they claim an unfair contract because of its length: 13 years. Now, in all fairness, 13 years is an extremely long period of time and much can happen in that period of time: People can come of age, people can watch their pets get old and die, grandpa can run over the neighbors cat by accident, and yes, Michael Jackson can rise from the dead and bring salvation to this land. I don't dispute that 13 years is too long for a musical contract. However, to realize this 5 years after they sign the contract begs the question: What exactly have they been smoking for the last 5 years to have not realized this sooner? Now sure, recreational drugs from time to time, like alcohol intake, can be enjoyable if done in moderation and done responsibly. But seriously, every day for 5 years... I think we should get the three of them to a hospital and checked up to make sure they haven't completely fried their brain. Even Courtney Love takes a break from time to time to, you know, have a child or do an interview on Leno or something. And why only the three members? Were the other two not good enough for the dope and booze? Were they not good enough for China? Were they too beautiful already?

The moral of the story is simple boys and girls: Don't go to China to invest in beauty products. Well, the real moral of the story is that there is no moral of the story because I haven't really told a story. All I've really done is bitch and moan about a subject that has been in the kpop news recently. It tickles me to see fans threatening SM Entertainment and these companies for the misfortunes of their artists simply because they forget the first rule of fight club: you do not talk about fight club. Like Sarah Michelle Gellar correctly pointed out in "Cruel Intentions": 'Everyone does it, you just don't talk about it.' It's like a 'secret society' for the clueless Selma Blair, but really its simply an industry that is much older than most the people consuming its products. Ask any H.O.T. fan how music business is done and they'll tell you: behind closed doors without the input of the artist. Everyone knew this way back when, so why claim ignorance now? Artists know what they are signing up for, just like strippers know that when they become a stripper they have to take off their clothes. It's a lot like that. The kpop industry is a lot like stripping: Lots of clothes must come off before any real money can be made. Hell ask Bi, he get's a bag of cash every time his shirt comes off.

Really, everyone just needs to wake up and listen to the coffee.