Danger Will Robbinson, Danger!

No nifty picture today, primarily because I haven't taken any yet...

It's technically day two, though it's the first full day today in Korea. When I was on the airport bus driving through Seoul yesterday, passing places like Yonsei University and Shinchon oddly enough elicited no particular emotions. Yet when we drove through Gwanghwamun and alongside Insadong I found my curiosity and interest peaked, perhaps because I had yet to see the unveiling of the new gate and all the new buildings going up. I certainly have a long list of places to go and things to see...

I came to Seoul with only vague plans set, at least knowing where I'd be staying and who I wanted to see. Yet outside of those rather loose parameters I left things wide open simply because I hadn't really talked to those I wanted to see as often as I long ago first imagined. Once I got my phone working, and seeing how I still had a good list of people programed into it from last year, my list of people I wanted to see expanded and my schedule quickly filled up the first week. Now comes the hard part... fighting the sleep deprivation, dehydration, and what those silly Liberals refer to as "Jet Lag."

Today I was totally praising the big guy upstairs (and not the Ajjushi that lives above us) that my afternoon plans were canceled given the fact that I felt like a walking zombie as I roamed the streets of Seoul today in god-awful humidity and heat. I walk outside and my hair automatically fucks itself up so I'm wondering why bother taking any time to do anything with my hair. So today's lesson: portable electronic fans are definitely an investment worth making and a hefty stash of batteries.

Yet I did rediscover Kylie Minogue on my ipod, and let's face it, that kind of rediscovery pretty much takes the cake, even with the Korean cheese cake in the fridge.

More later cats and kittens when I wake up around 4am tomorrow and feel at least a bit more functioning.

[RESET] Korea Back in Focus

Odd, one of my students had mentioned my blog to me yesterday before class. She stumbled upon it in an attempt to contact me and ended up reading some of it, enjoying what she read, and indirectly encouraging me to revisit this blog that I seemed to have forgotten in my attempt to better myself through yet even more graduate education. I can't say I'm necessarily better that I was one year ago, though I do think I'm more capable and definitely more resilient. But I suppose the point of all of this is to restart something I foolishly left hanging, bring back into focus the place I once called home. It is no coincidence that this coincides with a return trip to Seoul in roughly five days as I've had several people tell me that I should blog about my experience. Three weeks compared to three years seems somewhat muted, not to mention mooted, but of those 100 days of Korea-related pictures I find myself wanting to revisit each and everyone one individually in order to experience it yet again.

And so it begins. I in no way will challenge myself to revisit all 100 places and/or things, some a bit more difficult to stumble back upon than others. However, I challenge myself to bring back into the spotlight the place I still consider home, yet this time with a bit more substance (and of course the same wit and charm I know all of you are dying to read). This trip is dedicated to research, and so perhaps I should focus my posts around that general topic of 'Korea research' without pinpointing exactly what my research actually is. Maybe my posts can help other anthropologists or anthropologists-in-training with their own fieldwork, especially given my familiarity with the 'field' I am 'heading' into. I suppose, then, that the substance here will be multi-faceted as it will be consumed on multiple layers (look at me, talking like an academic even within what some may consider frivolous blog posts... I wonder where the off switch is).

Regardless, something to look forward to either alongside this new challenge and/or after I return from Korea: "English isn't really that cool...seriously." You'd think that with all the English-speaking foreigners in Korea that KPOP would release songs that have halfway-decent English in them... it's a lot like your dog running into the sliding glass door because he can't tell that it is actually closed. I'll leave you with that image for now, guys and dolls.

Epilogue: Beyond this Adventure

Almost exactly three years later and I am finally leaving the place I've known as 'home' with very little hesitation. Granted, others have been here for a longer period of time, have families here, and still move forward, they aren't me and those who know me know that me and Korea have a relationship that is different than most foreigners here, even those living here for so long. Going from a small, nowhere town to Atlanta and a reputable university, to Japan, and now to Korea; no sign ever pointed to that progression. I so freely allowed myself to move from place to place, because I believed that no place, no challenge, was ever big enough for me. I never move backwards, only forwards. Though I'm on my way back to Atlanta for school, it is a giant leap forward, one that both scares me and excites me.

Korea has been kind to me, but it has no doubt been difficult. I'm not a 'get used to the temperature and slowly get in' kind of guy; I'm more of a 'cannonball into the deep end' person and Korea was no exception. No one understood why I was going to Korea when I announced more than three years ago my intention. Now they get it, and I think even now I finally understand. The friends I made here are now my family, and I know I will see them because this kind of family never breaks apart. Those who have been with me through thick and thin over here know I love them and cherish them the way they deserve, and the way they should properly be loved and cherished. I've shared parts of me I never knew existed, done things I never thought I could. They know who they are, and they know it is never goodbye but simply see you later.

I leave knowing full-well I'll be back soon enough. Be it a year, two years, or even three, I'll be back. And though things will undoubtably change, Korea will always be Korea and just like home, I will welcome the return. Though at times confusing, difficult, and annoying, Korea is like family and it is simply part of the terrain.

Holy Hangover Batman, Lunacy is the New Black!

I'm an old-fashion kind of guy; I read the New York Times, I enjoy coffee in the morning, and I try not to steal other people's identity. I read that people are stealing the identities of 2pm members in Korea as some form of 'retaliation' for kicking out Jaebum and I think to myself: "Is this what is meant by video killed the radio star?" It all started, this round at least of the never-ending saga of 'Jaebum and the Myspace Controversy', when JYP Entertainment announced that they had terminated their exclusive contract with Jaebum (the former leader of 2pm) because he had revealed to them, which was later revealed to the other six members, that he had done something terribly wrong during the promotion of the single 'Again and Again', an act so morally wrong, apparently, that it would outshine him calling Korea gay on Myspace. So first of all, I don't think calling Korea gay on Myspace was a big deal, but then again I'm not Korean and so I don't have that collective brainwashing, I mean memory, of things and culture and such. But I feel like something worse than that could simply be a pro-North Korean, or a Communist, or both. But sadly we will never know, until the rumors of sex, drugs, and rock and roll turn to truth.

The problem is, all these Korean fans of 2pm are up in arms over the dismissal of Jaebum, perhaps some of the same fans who were pissed that he called Korea gay. So let's recap: first fans hate Jaebum for calling Korea gay. Now fans are pissed because he was kicked out of the group for something supposedly worse than calling Korea gay. So what would be the alternative? Stick him in 2am for a while?

JYPE held a 'conference' of sorts with around 90 fans and the 2pm members themselves. First of all, I must not be drinking the Kool-aide, but I don't even see the rationale, let alone need, to hold a conference and 'prove' to fans anything. Need we all forget the simplicity of this entire situation: JYPE creates music, and fans consume it and no where along the way do those who make the music need to justify to those who consume the music as to their business transactions. Sure, if they were shareholders then I see the rationale, but trying to justify anything to fans is like trying to teach a monkey statistics; it just won't work. Korean fans have always believed themselves to be above everyone else: above other Koreans, above the industry, above the stars themselves, and yes, even above the law. This mentality has snipped the balls right off of the entertainment industry to the point where they can't even function properly without pissing someone off.

The conference was absurd, and the content of the conference was even more shock-induced then the actual formation of the conference. The fans just couldn't wait to open their vulgar mouths and obsessive minds onto the actual members, treating them as if they were dirt of the street. The disdain these fans have for the other members of 2pm for their supposed 'betrayal' of Jaebum would make even Judas turn around and say 'That shit's messed up!' The responses from the members seem to be genuine, but it is almost as if they want to say "Y tu, Brutus?" What it is beyond amazing is the self-restraint JYPE and the other members of 2pm have exercised in all of this, because I swear to god after receiving some of the questions from fans, demanding that the members answer and implying that they were too stupid to understand the question, I would have answered very differently. So, I shall now provide the proper answer to any question that could be asked to 2pm because the boys of 2pm, and JYPE, apparently can't say it for themselves.

Question: How can you all sit there and call Jaebum your friend and yet still agree to kick him out of the group? How can you expect us to accept such an excuse? We've been with you for two years and you've been with him longer, and now you just say it's over with him and think you can move on? I demand that you all answer!

Answer: Hi there, thanks for that insightful question. So look, I have this friend, Hyungjae, and we go back for ages, I mean like I've know this kid since I was in diapers. Anyway, we are awesome friends, but I really would never want to be in a boy band with him because, well, even though he may be talented, I just don't want to be in a band with him. Come to think of it, I really don't want to be in a band with a lot of my friends, no real reason, but I just don't want to. So as for the rest of your question, let me just say this one time, now everyone listen carefully. Why any of you feel we have to justify ourselves to you is beyond me. It was not you who worked this hard and dedicated years of your lives to building a career. Where do any of you get off demanding anything of us? Not even half of you buy our music to begin with, and so now you want to demand we give you answers. So you are going to boycott us, so what? Those who boycott us were never really buying our stuff to begin with. You won't watch our programs? What do we care, there are many others out there that watch us who are not necessarily 2pm fans, but just like us. Let's face it, the only thing you fans do is cause more trouble, and send us your dirty tampons. You guys really need to stop doing that, because it's just sick and disgusting. In summary, you all need to get a life and realize that we make music and entertain people, while you guys take what we do and make it into your lives in a very unhealthy and psychotic way. Remember, Jaebum's the one that did something wrong, and he admitted it by telling us. So if you are gonna be pissed at anyone, be pissed at him because we go through all this trouble to bring him back and he vomits all over it like a puppy who ate too much Christmas cake.

If I could be anyone for a day....

So I've decided that it would be fun to make some lists on my blog, like the top five honeymoon destinations for alternative lifestyle-living individuals and the top ten things to eat when you are in a 'I hate men' phase. Today's list is brought to you by men, the only acceptable gender to date. Today's list is simple: The five Korean male entertainers Tim wants to be.

The list of course must start with the heart of the Korean entertainment world: Lee Jun Ki. This actor turned model turned singer turned everything under the sun is easily one of the most recognizable faces in Korea today, but here's something not many of you may know about him: he is in fact not a woman. Now I love this man, more than I should, but being him would be that much greater because honestly he can do anything he wants and millions of people will still worship the ground he walks on. Sure I'd have a hard time keeping my hands off myself, but what man doesn't? Lee Jun Ki looks great, is not a half bad actor, and just is a nice fresh face for Korea than someone like Bae Young Jun, who in all honesty is way past his prime.

My next selection is the ever handsome Lee Seung Ki. This boy just has a smile that can bring kittens back to life, not to mention he is considered Korea's younger brother and good boy. You can't possibly dislike this guy and so it is only natural that I, an American guy who is older than him, would aspire to be him. He has an awesome voice, a very handsome face, and I guess we could say a nice enough body. Not only that, but all boys want to be him and all girls want to get with him. Though the girl part I'm not necessarily too crazy about, I figure if guys want to be him and be friends with him then I should too! Besides, who doesn't want people screaming over you when you smile and say something cute? It just makes common sense to want to be him.

Depending on the day I may want to be G-Dragon (Kwon Ji Yong) that much more or that much less. But all in all, this guy is amazing. He has the talent, the fashion, the look, and the attitude. He is personable, energetic, and really not that bad to look at. I wouldn't be prone to touch myself as much if I were Lee Jun Ki or Lee Seung Ki, but I would be prone to do things like write songs about a horse meeting a zebra, drink beer while at a photoshoot, and wear pink whenever humanly possible. He personifies cool in ways that other Koreans could only hope to incarnate, but will never fully attain. He is the whatever the fancy French word is for exceptionally unique and outstanding, because in all honesty, Korea needs more G-Dragons if it is to survive in the rather culturally-competitive economy we now live in.

This boy is only 17, but is already one of the most sought-after boys in Korea. Yoo Seung Ho has started in numerous dramas, including his current 'God of Study', and always makes both the ladies and the boys turn their heads. He had a place in the sultry Brown Eyed Girls music video for "Don't Go, Don't Go", and it's really been since then that people have started to sexualize this young boy into something more than simply a kid. Who says young Korean teens don't fornicate like older ones do? Well with boys like this, it is easy to see just what drives them to do it. Granted, he is significantly younger than me and I really am not all about reliving my younger years, but perhaps if I were him, with his good looks and current position, I may rethink it. Besides, things 'taste' better when you are younger.

Now he isn't the best looking, not the most talented, and does not necessarily have the best personality, though it does not preclude him from being good looking (which he is), having talent (which he does), or being funny (which he is quite good at). However, Big Bang's Seungri (Lee Seung Hyun) has possibly the one thing that the other Big Bang members, most Korean actors, and perhaps even most Korean musicians lack: the overwhelming love, affection, and support of Korean homosexuals. Now I am not using the term homosexual in a negative way, I mean actual gay Koreans who are attracted to men. Overwhelmingly, when I ask Korean gay guys who their favorite Big Bang member is, or even open the door to just entertainers or 'ideal guys', Seungri outnumbers anyone else you may think. Sure, they like their pretty boys, but they like their boyish boys so much more. Seungri can go either way, for those who catch my drift, and that makes him the ultimate boy in my book, and therefore the most desired guy in the Korean entertainment world that I would want to be.

Holy Twisted Fate Batman, We're in a Boat!

So 60 or so fans fainted over the weekend at the Big Bang concert. I am trying hard to figure out why. I mean, I guess I can kind of see how fans get so enamored by stars that they feel as if they are connected to them in some way, but I don't see Lady Gaga's fans mailing period blood stained notes to her, or fainting at her concerts simply because they see her. This reminds me of a very special episode of 'Will & Grace' when Jack finally is exposed to Kevin Bacon as Kevin Bacon's stalker. In America, stalkers may be thought of as scary contraptions of people, but compared to Korea, a stalker is a welcome sign of relief. We think paparazzi is evil; nothing quite prepares anyone for a rushing onslaught of teen girls (and in some cases boys). Stalker culture in America takes a backseat to fan culture in Korea. Regardless, though, I'm still trying really hard to figure out why 60 fans fainted. Are their lives so void of meaning outside of Big Bang that they are affected by simply the presence of the star? I went to the concert over the weekend, and interestingly I was not the only guy there. To me, it looked more like a party than a pop concert, and Big Bang treated it more like a party than a pop concert. I've also been to a DBSK concert where I saw fans fainting and being carried out of the stadium. Either way, the way Korean fans attach themselves to their stars by all accounts is psychologically, and now physically, unhealthy.

In other news, I would like to know who exactly are the 'Korean netizens'. My impression of netizens, from back in my heyday as one living in America, were the otaku guys with too much time on their hand. Case and point: comic book guy from The Simpsons. But in Korea, I think of Korean netizens as synonymous with these fans, because that's where most my interests lie. But here we are, in the year 2010, and we are talking about how Korean netizens are angered over how one of the Japanese girls (Rie Akiba) from that retarded foreign girls talk about how to get guys and how beautiful they are and how idiotic and absent minded and blah blah blah (obviously I harbor some distaste for this show and its foreign girls), how she was asked about Korean politics from a Korean newspaper and her answers were apparently not all that savvy. First of all, what is a Korean newspaper doing asking a Japanese girl from a TV show about Korean politics, especially Dokdo? I mean, it's like Jerry Springer, because you know that these 'Korean netizens' are going to take anything she says and overreact, because that's what 'Korean netizens' do. To be honest, her answer was nothing special, and she was quite careful to avoid the big ass hole that is Korean politics, but she still managed to anger Korean netizens. So this begs the question, who exactly are Korean netizens, and why do they care? Are they so invested in what some Japanese girl on some retarded TV show says about Korean politics (who admits herself she is a novice to the field) that they are up in arms over it?

I feel as if no matter what anyone says about anything in Korea, Korean netizens, whoever they may be, will find some way to be angry over it. Korea, as I always have said, suffers from a Mommy problem because they find themselves always thinking they need to be on the defense because they believe everyone is out to get them: Korea is one big conspiracy theory. I mean even Mel Gibson is looking this way and saying 'I ain't touching that mess'. We all love Korea, in the way we love our crazy Aunt Harriet, but we don't always want to have to convince it that the world is not out to get it because that takes a lot of time and energy, and frankly, it never listens. I figure if we can start with entertainment, change that, then we can change Korea as we know it. I've learned something valuable, or completely pointless depending on how you view it, while living in Korea: Koreans, much more than any other people I've encountered, place more emphasis, value, and time/money/life in entertainment/pop culture than they do anything else. Sure, family values are important and loving God is good and all, but never have i witnessed such an affinity for television regularity, music influence, and all that is 'the entertainment world' than what I have witnessed here. Granted, Korea is significantly smaller than many of the other places I've been, and most people are concentrated in Seoul, but it is still quite something. I wonder, is Korea the future or the distant past?

"I swear mom, the house was on fire already!"

I've been getting my kpop news from Allkpop for quite some time now, from when they first opened up, that guy and his blogging. Then they started expanding, like google, but unlike google, they hired dumbasses to write articles. Now if you happen to be reading this and are currently a contributor to Allkpop, then I'm sorry you have to read this. But honestly, some of the crap that these people write, the writing in general, and the headlines are about as ridiculous as Pat Robertson accepting my lifestyle, or me going to see any Saw movie in the theater. It brings down the integrity of Allkpop, first of all, and it opens the door to all the twenny and teens from around the world, mostly girls, to congregate at what should be a respectable Korean Entertainment Blog. It's like when Napster turned mainstream... how dumb was that? The first rule of fight club: you do not talk bout fight club.

Case and point: a recent headline reads "Jung Il Woo is gay?" Now, besides the sites explicit discrimination against homosexuality, evident in their description of 2PM being among the most desired men in the Korean gay community, they take a very cavalier attitude towards blogging. Granted, it is the Internet, home of goat cheese boy and napkins for Iraq, but there is a classy way of blogging (like me), and then there is just a retarded way (Allkpop). If it were a site with only a sole contributor, he can say and do whatever he wants; that's what Prez does and it works for him/her/it. But Allkpop was started to bring breaking Korean entertainment news to the English-speaking world (mostly Korean Americans, initially), not to give their uninformed, ignorant, and dumbassary two cents on things they obviously know nothing about. I love when they need to give a mini Korean history lesson and end up butchering Korean history to the point where all us who actually study it are going 'and there goes the dignity in our profession'. The article I started with about questioning Jung Il Woo's sexuality actually has nothing to do with his sexuality, but his upcoming portrayal of a gay man in a play. Now I can see how for the retarded contributors of Allkpop the two may be the same, because playing a gay man and actually being a gay man may teeter the lines of fiction and reality too much for the homophobic and ignorant idiots, but I mean when I go see Tom Cruise macking it with some woman in Mission:Impossible, I don't automatically assume he is no longer gay; he's just acting.

Another pitfall of Allkpop is their recent obsession with things that aren't really news, not even worthy of a tabloid, things I like to call 'shit online'. In other words, some Korean singer/actor passes gas and Allkpop is right on top of that. Most of this surrounds recaps of variety shows, and what these idols say about things that we really could care less about. Like I really give a damn who Go Hara's #1 male idol is, or that 2pm fans with too much time on their hands photoshoped their faces into the 'Gods of Study' drama stills. To me, this seems like stuff that one would find at a fansite, not a news site, which they claim to be. But don't blame it on them, the contributors are probably only 15, if their writing is any indication of age and/or education.

So I've done it again, I've probably ostracized most of the world against me by being too pompous and too educated. Yeah, well bite me. The best thing about the Internet is that you can say whatever you want whenever you want, you know, unless you have work to do or your mom is bitching at you for not doing your homework. Luckily at this point in time, neither is true!

Free Hugs

Where have all the cowboys gone? I remember when cowboys used to rule this land, with their hats, horses, and diamond bracelets. But where have they gone? Perhaps they fled with the talent and originality that seemed to lack in the year 2009. Granted, we had some ups (thank you Alicia and Miss Gaga), but then we had our downs (Oh Chris Brown and most of Korean music). And when we went down, we went down into the pits of hell to find things we never knew existed, lows that were so low we wrapped back around and praised them as 'highs'. Remember that time I was Sandra Bullock and made 'Speed', an awesome movie, only to follow it with 'The Net', a movie that sunk on so many levels? It's like making sequels to 'Bring it On' and 'Cruel Intentions'; why screw up the awesome legacy of the first movie with horse dung found in the second (and in some cases, third) installment?

Anyway, 2009 faced some massive challenges, hurdles we all had to overcome. In Korea, I think so many bad things happened in the music/entertainment world that we (and by we I mean everyone else but like five of us who weren't drinking the kool-aid) simply thought it good. Case and point: girl groups. I miss the days of S.E.S. and their fun and funky music of late 1990s/early 2000s; they were the original pop girl group in Korea (for the most part at least) and they knew how to do it in style. These days, there are more girl groups then there are opinions of Britney Spears, hardly any of them good. The worst part is, they make virtually the same music and are hailed as 'wonderful'. It reminds me of the little known Steve Martin film 'Leap of Faith', also co-staring Meat Loaf and Liam Neeson. Steve Martin plays a fraudulent Christian evangelist attempting to heal people in order to garnish money via offerings. I feel as if Korean music this past year has done that to its people, but then again Koreans don't buy music anyways, so I suppose it all works out for the best.

But why dwell in the past year? We should, rather, look forward to the year 2010 as the year of sunshine, hugs and puppies. Or at the very least, the year of moving beyond crap to mediocracy! Come on everyone, let's shoot for being just okay! We all can do it. You figure, if we all become just okay, then we will have greater incentive to be greater in the future; who wants to be the same anyways (well, besides most of the world)? Then once we all move forward to greatness, greatness becomes average and we aim higher. At this rate, we'll be building colonies on Mars and inventing warp-speed drive in no time! Go team go!

I believe that the year 2010 will be an amazing year, for everyone. Why do I believe this? Because on the first proper day of work of this year I was nearly forced from going to work due to a rather fluke snow storm, dropping snow that came nearly up to my knees. Coming from Atlanta I'd never seen such absurdity as this, so I figure such absurdity this early in the year makes for a kick ass year! That, or the world is going to end. Either way, excitement is just around the corner! Plus, this is the year I enter a Ph.D. program (let's hope for a good one), Doctor Who returns with a new Doctor (I will totally miss David Tennant), Torchwood finally comes back (I can't get enough of John Barrowman), and I grow wings. All things to look forward to in 2010.

In closing, Free Hugs is a good way to advertise, and a good way to start of the new year. Give someone you love, like, want to sleep with, or just someone you tolerate a free hug (charge the rest) and let your year start on the upside. Merry Days.

Special Provisions in Idiocy

Just hear those sleigh bells ring-a-ling, jing-jing-jing-a-loo! Oh Christmas time, it's my favorite time of year for oh so many reasons. The lights, the gifts, the snow, and the controversy! Nothing says 'Merry Christmas' quite like a card with birds on it and Kpop scandals! It's just been a shit year for Korea's music industry, filled with scandals, crap music, and death. At the center seems to be SM Entertainment (my personal fav.). First it was DBSK, where three of the members grew a brain and demanded to be released from their contracts. Then it was Kangin from Super Junior getting into a bar fight and then driving drunk. And now it's Hankyung, the Chinese member of Super Junior. He is basically claiming the same ignorance as the three members of DBSK, arguing his contract is extremely unfair and that SM Entertainment is a slave worker. Well, uh duh. I remember writing about this before and how we all knew the inner workings of SM Entertainment back in the late 90s with H.O.T., SES, and Shinhwa. All I have to say is this: you knew what you were getting yourself into when you signed the contract. And if you didn't, that's your own fault. Too many people in the world want to be famous and an entertainer, and once they are, they think they are somehow superior and better than the rest of us lowly peons. The problem is, just because you become famous doesn't necessarily make you any smarter, especially not any smarter than me. If I, a lowly 25 year old American boy can figure out that the contracts of most the Korean entertainment industry are unfair and should be retooled, then what does that say about those actually signing the contract?

You know, I love the Korean singer Ivy. I love her not because she is sexy, even though she is, or she makes fun music, because she does. I love her because she speaks her mind. She told a room full of students from her alma mater that if you can't sing, don't become a singer, because it's just wasted space. How right she is. Dreams of making it big should really only apply to those with talent to make it big. Now yes, this would negate about 85% of the Korean music industry, 75% of the Japanese music industry, and roughly 50% of the American music industry, but let's face it kids, sometimes you just have to say enough's enough. Now I wouldn't particularly care so much if people without talent ran around and were famous and whatnot, but when things like this happen that's when I just want to be like 'dude, the Wizard can only give you so much of a brain; you need something to start from first.' Hankyung was apparently only 17 when he signed the contract, and there are many more out there signing contracts at much younger ages than 17 (oh Shinee, I love you). Korea's mommy problem strikes again, as not only do parents not really do actual parenting, but now they are allowing their children to just sign their lives away for 13 +years without second thought. "Hello? Social Services? Yes, I'd like to report a case of child slavery."

Honestly, Hankyung should grow a pair, admit he was a dumbass, and pay his time. Think of it like prison for the dumb. If you are dumb enough to sign the contract in the first place (or have parents who are that dumb), then you are subjected to 13 years of hard labor as a Korean entertainer. I rather not quote John Mayer again, but seriously, people need to wise up, and parents especially need to stop signing these contracts. I feel like Korean schools need to offer a new class is the Korean Entertainment Industry so that the kids won't just blindly sign their futures away. All in all, though, Hankyung isn't even Korean, he has no Korean citizenship, and so really he could just be all 'I quit' and move back to China and let that be that. Why he is dragging this through mud and courts is beyond me.

One Flew Over the... My Mother is a Fish

I remember growing up, I had a mommy and a daddy who told me I couldn't watch MTV, I wasn't allowed to look at porn, and I had to do my homework and eat my vegetables. In other words, I had parents who did some normal parenting. Of course I would rebel from time to time (they didn't know about the porn or MTV), but for the most part it was understood that they were my parents and I had to listen to them, or else. Obviously, not everyone has parents who care, let alone two parents who do some parenting, but it's ultimately no one's fault but the parents. They are the ones charged with the rather simple dictum of: "If you forget the condom then you are responsible for the consequences". Pretty simple, right? Well, in the age of high-tech innovation, new media, and rather divergent forms of entertainment, I suppose parenting has gotten tough.

Recently, my beloved G-Dragon (Korean pop idol) has been in some hot water along with his company YG Entertainment. At first it was simply his album that the Korean government had trouble with, alluding to sex and violence, and thus have given the album a rating of, essentially, 'R', meaning no one under the age of 19 is permitted to buy the album. As a quick, but much needed, side note, I find it rather absurd and dictatorial that the Korean government finds it necessary to black list, in essence, things that simply allude to sex and violence. Hell, they did that with the DBSK song 'Mirotic' because they thought things such as 'red ocean' and 'crystal' referred to sexual fluids. It's like Hollywood all over again and the black lists against Communist films. Or just a bunch of old Korean men who want to make everyone else's life miserable because that's where they find joy. Anyway, back to G-Dragon. The guy recently had himself a little shindig, a concert if you will, sold out, couple hundred thousand seats and tickets, and put on quite a show. But the Korean government is claiming that he put on too much of a show, complete with a bed, heavy breathing, and a performance of some of those more 'controversial' songs that the Korean government claimed to be inappropriate for those under the age of 19. The government claims that because the concert rating was for individuals 12 and up that the material would match that rating. But according to the government, it was a gross miscalculation on YG Entertainment's part. Therefore, G-Dragon and YG are under criminal investigation.

I remember the big debate over rap music being too 'in your face' with the sex and violence, same with movies, television, and video games. People blamed Marilyn Manson for school shootings, they blamed video games for their graphic images, television for being too sexualized, and movies for rolling that all into one 2 hour feature. But ultimately, the debate boiled down to one sweeping fact: children are not raised by Marilyn Manson, video games, television, and movies; they are raised by parents. And if they aren't, then it's the parent's fault. There is no one to blame but the parents for being irresponsible twats. The problem was actually quite simple: why does the state need to control a person's life to the extent of censoring media because parents suck? Regardless, the music, movies and television that includes said graphic images and themes are not aimed towards children, but those older.

I smell similarity. The Korean government has seemed to bypass the entire notion of ' a parent' and has decided that the state shall be both the tender love of the mother and the iron fist of the father. They shall set standards by which children should live by, indoctrinate them into thinking the same thing, and simply black list and arrest all those that don't fall in line. Uh, can we say Park Chung Hee? You know, everyone always tells me, "Tim, you are way too harsh on the Korean government and always think they are like Park Chung Hee." Well, like my Aunt Sissy always told me, if it walks like a duck, quacks like a duck, and acts like a duck, then chances are, it's a Korean dictator. Korea has such an extremist attitude when it comes to anything. If people aren't happy, they create an uproar and create a massive protest for months because of something rather small. Or they bash people online. Or they boycott. On the other end of the spectrum you have the government, who is either the cause of all this or simply reacting to it. It truly is a case of the chicken and the egg paradox, even though scientists have dismissed this and have given a definitive answer. Regardless, though, the current case of poor G-Dragon, and really all of the entertainment industry and media industry, stuck in the middle is quite sad and pitiful, as it simply points to the lack of parenting, and I mean real, honest, loving parenting, on Korea's part. Sure, mothers want their children to go to the best schools and study hard, but is that really parenting? Sounds more like restriction of creativity and indoctrinated bullshit to me. Real parenting is saying, "No, Soyoung, you can't go to G-Dragon's concert because you are only 15 and his album has been rated for those 19 and older." What kind of parents allow their kids to go to these concerts? I mean, are they just that dumb? Are they ignorant enough to think 'well, yeah he is just going to bounce around on stage in a bunny costume'?

I've always said that Korea has a serious mommy problem, and this only elucidates that problem even further. The problem is not with G-Dragon or the industry, the problem is again rather simple: Korean parents need to do some honest-to-god parenting, and if their kids fuck up or don't listen, it's the parent's fault, not G-Dragon's. The boy is just trying to make music; the parent's need to step up and say 'that's not appropriate for my son and/or daughter and therefore he/she is not allowed to listen/partake in it'. Then it is up to the parent to enforce it. The Korean government, in the same stride, needs to get their junk out of everyone's business. Unless they want to revert back to 1960s and 1970s Korea, they better watch themselves and how they act. They are certainly not looking out for the well-being of their citizens, that's for sure. In conclusion, as John Mayer sings:

Fathers, be good to your daughters

Daughters will love like you do
Girls become lovers who turn into mothers
So mothers, be good to your daughters too

Something Borrowed, Something Red? Part III

'Tis the season and red is a traditional Christmas color (thanks to Coke at least). So why not cut yourself, spill some blood, and send a very special message to your favorite Korean idol? Come on, everyone's doing it. Well, at least three crazy mother fuckers are. The latest is for FT Island front man and 'You are Beautiful' star Lee Hongki. Personally, I don't see his appeal, but then again, I didn't see the appeal with the last two. If I were to ever do it, I'd go for someone like Lee Junki or Buffy the Vampire Slayer, but that's just me. I feel like it's the same retard doing it over and over again, trying to provoke a response from different stars. Or maybe it's a new trend, like sky diving or stamp collecting. Whatever the reason, and whoever they may be, I wonder why no female idols have been targeted. Are men less crazy than women? Well obviously yes, but Korean boys and girls are certainly the exception in many ways. Perhaps Lee Hyori and Jessica are just not blood-worthy. What I'd really like to know is whatever happened to those good-old-fashioned death threats? I mean when you saw blood you immediately thought 'death' not 'undying love'. One more of these letters and we are going to have to call Kevin Costner to protect the Korean male idols from crazy stalker fans. Whitney is just going to have to hit the back burner for a while.

Shock and Awe, or Duck and Cover

Let's all take a minute to to reflect on the recent (mis) happenings of the past few days. But first, a moment of silence for J. Lo. and her rather public tumble off the human pyramid of dancers at Sunday's American Music Awards. It's not a coincidence her ass is the size of Montana, that's for sure. From all other footage, it just wasn't her night. Poor, misguided, Gili-sniffing, married to that god-awful Marc Anthony J. Lo. But it could be worse, she could be Adam Lambert and she could have made out with a keyboardist on stage. It's just... so beneath him, it's almost as if he was making out with a roadie... making out with 'the help'. The boy got a little too excited on stage, getting that blow job, some crotch/fingering action, and a James Bond tumble, random bits of singing turned screaming filtered in between of his obstacle course of a stage. He kept trying to climb higher and higher, as if he were Mario attempting to rescue the princess from the barrel-throwing King Kong. I kept wondering what he would get when he got to the top... and then we found out... tongue from 'the help'.

This past weekend also marked the departure from Mnet's Annual MKMF ( Mnet Korean Music Festival) to the Mnet Asian Music Awards, lovingly referred to as MAMA. Before the event even began it ran into rather deep trouble with SM Entertainment and a couple trot singers boycotting the event for being unfair. Of course, the results of the show have proven these claims of fairness to be absolutely true. MAMA, or as I like to refer to it as 'The JYP/ YG Gala of Doucheness', paid homage to nothing Asian and everything that came out of these two companies, as it is documented here. Not even J. Lo's ass could handle an idiotic tumble like that, and that things made out of like spinach or something. But this MAMA issue only further draws attention to the obvious mommy problem that the Korean Entertainment Industry has faced this past year, beginning back with the Park Jaebum and DBSK controversies. The MAMA spawned the latest Kpop fiasco/ problem with 2PM's Nichkun and Ivy as the two of them danced a sultry dance on stage (or rather Ivy attempting to seduce the 'Thai Prince' with her womanly ways). 2PM fans, dubbed 'Hottests' (refer to this post to see why), bombarded Ivy's Cyworld with the most outlandish comments, from 'you shouldn't have done that' to 'Do you want your minihompy to be terrorized?' It has apparently gotten so bad that poor Ivy has had to close her Cyworld. Can we say crazy?

Monday, however, I saw hope, I saw a beacon of light, from Tabloo's brother of all people. This guy usually annoys me, but yesterday he was my Savior. The story goes that a Korean TV show, Infinity Challenge, decided that it would be a good idea to tape a segment in NYC. Simple enough. They thought that they would showcase Korean food to the world. I'm okay so far. But they decided that the best way to do this (uh oh... thinking) was to not bring any translators/ interpreters and act like they would in Korea, meaning attempting to be funny with Korean humor. Now I have to say, I've been here in Korea for quite some time, and I like to think that I know pretty well what Korean humor is all about, but I have never found it funny. Some say cultural difference, but I just say that they aren't all that funny. You get the occasional funny guy, but for the most part, I don't see it. And just to prove that I'm not culturally (or even linguistically) biased, I find Japanese comedians to be hilarious. Anyway, long story short, Korean comedians go to NYC, try to be funny, but make complete dumbasses out of themselves thinking nothing of it. Well, David, Tabloo's brother, rightly called them out on being idiots and, what's more, reamed MBC for letting such 'trash' be filmed. It made me smile, primarily because he was right. I love Korea, really I do, and if I didn't then I could never justify living here for nearly three years now. But he was completely right. You can read his full entry for yourself here to see just what exactly he was talking about. Granted, he did make fun of white boys a bit, but honestly, when we consider just how many times us white boys have made fun of Asian boys, it is most likely justified (and don't give me that 'high road' bullshit). David came under great fire, similar to Park Jaebum, for being unpatriotic and criticizing Korea. God forbid someone bitches about home. God knows if I was kicked out every time I complained about Port Charlotte, Florida, or America, I'd probably have to move to Cuba and turn Communist (I always did prefer red pears). Can we say 'freedom of speech'? Or, more correctly put, can we say 'telling the truth'? Mommy always told me to tell the truth, but then again we've already established the mommy problem Korea is faced with. But David didn't seem to back down, and stood firm in his convictions. Yay. Needless to say, I had a good day yesterday. Only to have it come crashing down when dumbass David apologized. I doubt it was sincere, and reading both I can see it was forced, but I still cringe at it.

All this is to say that at times it feels as if we are living in an anarchy-stricken world given the crazy netizens and the power of the Internet. We all saw it coming, but Korea has forced us to really see it first hand. It started with the beef protests, and now we are all consumed with online interaction and what he said and she said that Perez Hilton and his useless observations have become the norm. Will it change? Not anytime soon. But we all think that this craziness and insane troll logic happens to 'other people' and never to us. Silly rabbit, tricks are for kids. All we need to do is look in our own back yard to watch sanity slip away like a bad acid trip.

Case and point. I've been dubbed as anti-social in the past, seemingly uncaring, and an asshole. Granted, many of these characterizations may be grounded in some form of what we could possibly refer to as 'truth', but they are quite subjective. Vulgarities aside, my time at the GSIS at Yonsei University was a time of academic rigor, heated debates, and scholarly interaction... well, sorta. Those who felt the need to study, did, and those who felt the need to drink, party, and have lots of unprotected sex (and the old 90210 song just popped into my head), also did. Everyone knew where I stood with the GSIS, all the various incarnations of the GSA, and people in general. I seemed to be anti-social, but honestly, I found my enjoyment with people elsewhere because I thought subjecting myself to GSIS life 24/7 was, well, dumb. Call me old-fashion, but I believe in having more than one group of friends. Anyway, I still found my time at the GSIS to be exactly what I needed, and would have made the same decisions to land be back there any day of the week. That said, thank god I've graduated. It actually started with Moka and I receiving the unpleasant end of the GSIS 2x4 to the back side, and normally I'm all for S&M and bondage, but this was pushing it. From our language exam debacle to the KLI fiasco, budget crisis, and now the GSA elections, this mommy problem much of Korea is plagued with seems to have fallen smack dab into the laps of the GSIS. Call me bored at work or an instigator, but Matt shared a blog posting with me that he had to remove because of all the rather unnecessary drama surrounding it. So, me being the 'rogue American' that I am, I've decided to post it here today (in moderation, of course).

It is that time of the semester when Graduate Student Assembly (here after GSA), the GSIS student council, holds its elections for next semester. Normally I do not pay much attention to platforms and proposed actions since they all propose to make the world of GSIS better, but rather just plan a few events like Yeon-Go Jeon or an Inter-GSIS Party. However this semester something special has caught my attention: the ratification of GSA Yushin Bylaws. The current GSA administration known as the Action Party as rewritten the bylaws in order for their administration to run for reelection.¹ While it may be seemingly nothing on the surface, I and my other colleagues will not stand for Korean history to repeat itself.

...

My colleagues and I refuse to be treated like 1960's Korea, which let an authoritarian leader dominate the country for nineteen years. While the Action Party tries to run rampant, and do as they please a select group scholars will refuse to accept this. While it may seem as though they hope to promote 'action,' their action has yet to provide equal opportunity events for all of those in GSIS, which was one of their running platforms⁴. Of which I am talking about non-party school events (for example: an ice cream social). They are imposing their authoritarian rule by limiting press regarding such issues by highlighting their achievements. Their cloak is that they have brought a lot of change to the GSIS, while their dagger is that they do not follow their own prinicple of listening to student in order to make the GSIS a better place. Does the GSIS really benefit from events in which alcohol is the main attraction?

The entire election a grand act of chicanery. As I was told as of 4:50pm on November 13, 2009 their were no other teams prepared to run for Spring 2010 GSA elections besides the Action Party, and thus Team Luxury was assembled.⁵ From what I have heard the Luxury Party does not want to follow through with their administration if they win.

...

Some may be reading this and think that I was rather harsh in my criticism or my critique of the Action Party or GSA. Others may even go as far as to say that I criticize too much without getting involved. However, let me pose the question, why should I be involved or show interest in things that I do not care about? You probably would not involve yourself with a dance group if you did not like dance? Why should I affiliate with a group that does not stand for the founding principles of Yonsei University? If GSA were to reformat their agenda to truly align their stance to the principles that Yonsei was build for by Underwood, yes I would show a lot more interest and activity.

Now yes, Matt is a good friend and perhaps I am biased to his point of view, but I will be the first to say that some of this may not be all that kosher (and yes, he could tone down the Independence Club rhetoric just a bit). However, he is, in large part, correct. From all the semesters I've been at the GSIS, and all the past GSA's that I've been told of, what he says is quite sound. Is it just a coincidence that no past president has run twice? Perhaps. But I've learned to question coincidences since 1994 (google it). And yes, maybe I am making more hay out of this than needs be, but I'd like to think that the people of the GSIS are smart and savvy and care what goes on in their school. Therefore, why should the same party run twice? If you want real change, then have a different party every semester. This reminds me of a Will & Grace episode I watched yesterday (season 2 episode 2) where Will is the president of the tenets association in the apartment complex and Grace decides to run against him because he is acting too much like a dictator. The other tenets gladly follow him like sheep because of how insignificant it seems in the grand scheme of, well, life, but also because no one else is willing to step up and try something different. Now I'm not calling anyone a sheep or a dictator, except that's what a lot of people seem to be acting as. But granted, they are not sheep in the way that 2PM fans are like lemmings, but they are sheep because they realize that they have to deal with their own stuff and their own problems, so they acknowledge how insignificant elections and the GSA are because, like I've always done, they assume that the GSA will turn out to be glorified party planners that the office makes do rather menial and annoying tasks because they are getting scholarships. And by the way, these scholarships are also what drives people to run, but also limits those wanting to run again (or so I've been told, and experienced).

So here we are, at the end of the post, and probably an angry GSA, killer 2PM fans, and all of Korea against me. Eh, what else is new? It's like high school all over again, save the turkey and goats (there were sheep though). The point is that the problems we see in the Entertainment World, on the grand scale, are actually infiltrating our own lives, our own surroundings. Hell, just the other day I had to listen to two friends here in Korea bitch and moan about the hardships of their life. My advice: do something about it. As President Bartlet says, "Always believe that a small group of determined people can change the world." And he's right, because it always has in the past. But more than that, Korea is in the most unique position to catapult itself into this world of 'globalization' and 'Britney Spears' if they'd only stop forcing it at the one end, and acting, as my friend Fred always says "all conservative and shit" at the other end. Korea does seem to have a mommy problem, and could stand for a visit by the good Doctor.